Friday, March 10, 2006

Artful Dodgeball

Draing's Favorite Grade Eemos had asked me about some of my own, personal adventures, so that he knew what to expect out of me as a sidekick. Having grown up a middle-class, suburban kid, the only thing I was packin' was a collection of Jr. High stories. He was horrified. Luckily for me one aspect particularly interested him: Dodgeball.

Oh boy, do I hate dodgeball, but Eemos insisted that I teach him how to play. So that, in turn, he could teach me how to play better.
All's fair in love and idiotic pseudo-sports.

Eemos is pretty good, to say the least. They have a game kinda like this back on Badasery, but they use sharp objects instead of balls. It figures. The only difference other than that is that the throwee has to catch the projectile with his/her/its hands, feet, claws or teeth instead of just his/her/its flesh to count the thrower out. It all sounds a little like the typical Christmas Dinner at the Cork household. Digress: Engage. As would've been foretold by Miss Cleo, Eemos caught me with a lucky shot right in the snot-box. I guess he wasn't aware of the no face rule.
Yellow Stars
Mama said knock me out.

Unfortunately for me, Eemos has been taking CPR classes for the last couple of weeks, so he decided that it was time to put his knowledge to work. Fortunately, I regained consciousness before the mouth-to-mouth encore.
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Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Crunch Wrap Supreme Let Down

Draing's Favorite Grade I took a cue from Big Crazy John and decided to purchase me one of those Crunch Wraps. If he's eating them, then they must be good for your chakras or some crap. To be honest, I find these things to be quite anti-climactic when you actually get your hooks into them... The commercials on TV try to make it sound like every taste sensation Taco Bell is capable of producing is somehow contained within this one, high-caloric, meat pastry.
...Can see the future!

That may be technically true, but I've found that the actual amount of flavor is fairly miniscule. We're talking quantity over quality, I guess. It's like they use the lettuce as a filler just like the average Pearl Jam album now consists of one song worthy of hummage with 11 or so throw-away 4-chord-wonders. The ingredient ratio as I see it is 1 part tortilla to 63.4 parts Lettuce to 10 parts remaining miscellaneous Taco Bell ingredients.

I saw Eemos chowing down on one the other day, too. But, he had thrown it into a bowl of chili, since he said that it looked like a gigantic oyster cracker. It's not the worst dietary compound I've ever seen. That distinction would go to the Hotdog-ChickenWingSauce-Pizza-Sandwich I saw BCJ eat once. Seriously. That's not fiction.

Toilet Humor?

All in all, I guess I would give this little hexagonal heart-clogger a 1 out of 5 bells (sans bowl of chili) and a 3 out of 5 long-nights-in-the-bathroom with the chili accompaniment.
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Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Coulrophobus Rex

Draing's Favorite Grade One of the reasons Eemos came to Earth was because some of his more... interesting Nemecysts found their way here. Oddly enough, my most traumatic childhood experience just happened to involve one of these creatures. His name was Unfunie the Clown.
Unfunie the Clown

Up until that time, I actually wanted to be a clown when I grew up. So strong was this idea in my head, that I had researched this wonderous school where they teach the clowning arts. Just imagine a school where they teach you to goof off all day long. If that isn't magical, then I don't know what is. I know what ISN'T magical, though: crying children.

My parents had booked some entertainment for my 8th Birthday party, but the regular guy had to cancel. To my surprise, this serpentine monstrosity filled the gap with enough creepy to feed a small nation. I spent the rest of my b-day party playing the Shaking and Sobbing Game in the cabinet under the sink.
Hissy fit
Funny != (Clowns + Snakes)/Math

I think the guy now works down at Show Tunes Pizza. It amazes me that they were actually able top those animatronic freakshows with a real-life one. One of these days, I'm going to go down there and plant a skee-ball right between his yellow eyes.
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Monday, March 06, 2006

Guest's Trip

My Family Crest The whimsical lads over at RPG-TV.Com have bestowed upon Draing and myself this wonderful interpretation of our little universe here.
I was trying out the blonde look for a while...

While I am flattered that someone could confuse my writings for that of the late, great Father of Relativity, I would hope that my hairstyle and clothing choices would dispell that notion.
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