Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Cartoon Violence

Draing's Favorite Grade Since I'm fictional, I can get away with saying stuff you real people can't. So, I have to get some current events stuff off of my chest. Apparently, a certain subset of a group of people are up-in-arms, literally, about a cartoon that depicts the person that they hold most dear as a violent sociopath.

How does this subset choose to express its rage (with a cartoon)? As usual, the truth is stranger than fiction. This subset decides to commit unadulterated violence against people that have absolutely nothing to do with the thing that irritated them in the first place. That insult being a cartoon just so you don't forget.

If you miss the irony in this story, I wonder why you're even reading this blog.

Please, please, please know that I'm not talking about the group, only the subset. I can totally understand being ticked off. I'm sure that any organization would be upset if their head-honcho came under fire. But, come on, don't personify the very thing that has your pretzel in a twist.

"My sister just called me fat, so I'm going to eat her now!"
Prologue | Previous | Next | Current

Monday, February 06, 2006

Oeufs, I did it again.

My Family Crest Nothing vexes me like the golden honeypot that is the yolk. Why must this meniscus of melodrama mock me? Try as I might to keep the tasty payload in tact, I always invariably wind up tearing the slimy fabric and spilling its warm entrails all over the pan; therefore denying myself the future, decadent soppage with toast.
Eggers!
Farewell, sweet Yolk.

Should ever I preserve the flavorful bounty, much like the water strider preserves the surface tension of the lake, my success is far from guaranteed. Oh no. Some infernal distraction such as the invasion of a sovereign nation by the unclean hordes or the doorbell always sequesters my attention away from its intended recipient. I return to the skillet to find such an unwanted thing as a lump of coal in the Christmas stocking: an orange, solid mass of broken dreams. Folly!
Prologue | Previous | Next | Current

Saturday, February 04, 2006

I Don't Get It

Draing's Favorite Grade Welcome to The Adventures of Eemos and Draing. This is a Team Blog about the day-to-day experiences of Eemos Piazza, the videogame character that has come here to Earth.

Believe it or not
Videogame Hero Evolved

My name is Draing, and I'm his sidekick. You can tell that I'm posting by the "D" that shows up before this post. Since this is a Team Blog, you'll need to pay attention to who's talking. Usually, if you get bored before you finish reading the first sentence, it's most likely an Eemos post. In contrast, I like to get to the pint... point, I mean.
Collectable Card Games
Poker Night at the Fortress

Anyway, I hope that you enjoy this visual blog of Eemos' exploits with my commentary mixed in from time to time. Feel free to drop Eemos, shadowQueen23 or myself an e-mail. Or, you can comment on whatever's going on, and we'll do our best to not sound stupid in replying. At least, I will. I don't know if Eemos can help himself. Keep it PG, though. There are kittens watching.

If you're a new-comer, check out the first post, and hit the next link until you can't take it anymore.

Lack of Character

Eemos - The Hero
He's the video game hero that has decided to start a blog.
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PensiveDraing - The Sidekick
I'm the first guy that Eemos met when he arrived here. Lucky me.
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Bomb and KamashadowQueen23 - The Love Interest
I don't know how long these two have been seeing each other. It either hasn't been long or she's as thick as he is.
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CanadianMooser - The Mount
Eemos' gigantic, robotic, ill-tempered, transforming moose is most pleasant when he's asleep. He's also Canadian.
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Cadre You, Cadre Me

The list of what I consider to be formidable opponents is both vast and varied. If one is to be a savior, he (or she in these progressive times) needs 2 things. Something to savor... save, I mean, and something to save that thing from. Although savoring your enemy's defeat will most likely ensure continual motivation to rid the world(s) of evil.

I've had many run-ins with those that are ethically-challenged. In fact, they are so numerous (like ants in the mound) that I feel the need to classify them. My Nemecysts can be corralled into several groups: annoyances, miscreants and deviants.

Deviants: Big Crazy John, Unfunie the Clown, The Pickler, Yoooee, Huge-O The Strongy, Perstephanie, Bananners, Jab, Turbozachtron, Bassman, CMOS (no relation), ADHDam, The Prince of Fresh, Lord Matthew the Hill

Miscreants: Suicide Bob-ombers, The Grammar Police, The Librarian (curse her lexicon!), the Right Paddle, Vehicular Man, The Dancing Machine, General Tso and Brad Rangoon, Dump Trucks

Annoyances: the Yolk, ducks, being sick, vending machines, The Garage Door Opener That Won't Open Unless the Infernal Car is Right Up Against the Door, So It Makes Little Sense to Even Use It, Subtlety

Perhaps I will tell you of each of their defeats from time to time (and then link back here accordingly). How I do love order.

Friday, February 03, 2006

...These Are The Days of My Life

Within these páginas del Aytchtee Em Mell, I will catalog my past exploits. So, if you ever need a bedtime story for the wee ones, you can recant these texts.

Abridged




Searchmatron

Inquiry?
Web
eemos.blogspot.com

Chapters

I. Prologue (01-29-2006) - Nothing Worth Doing Is Easy. I am bEarth'ed.
Monday | Tuesday | Wednesday

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II. Characterization (02-05-2006) - Witty Week Title. This was what some people would call a fluff week.
Monday | Tuesday | Wednesday | Thursday | Friday

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III. L'amour (02-12-2006) - If Loving Me Is Wrong, Right Is Stupid. Valentine Tales
Monday | St. Made Up Holiday Day | Wednesday | Thursday | Friday

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IV. Down With The Sickness (02-19-2006) - These Are Not The 'Roids You're Looking For. Eemos goes on bedrest and gets memed.
Monday | Wednesday | Wednesday II | Thursday | Friday

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V. Mardi Gras-ful (02-26-2006) - You Do Not Truly Know Someone Until You Fight Them. Eemos battles the Big Crazy John, and the whole crew partakes of some Mardi Graction.
Monday | Debauchery Day | Wednesday | Thursday | Friday

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VI. Super Friends (03-05-2006) - What We Do In Life Echoes in Eternia. Draing gets some face-time, Josh and Seth get their comeuppance and the #1 Superfan gets introduced.
Lunes | Martes | Miércoles | Huevos | Viernes

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VII. When Moosers Attack (03-12-2006) - We Sweep the Leg. Mooser is loos'ed upon the world.
Lundi | Mardi | Mercredi | Jeudi | St. Binge Drinking Day

Heritage Place

My Family Crest Many people ask me. "Eemos, could you please remove your foot from my trachea?" Wait, no, that seems paradoxical somehow.

What I meant to say was that I have been asked about my lineage many times. From whence did I come? To whence shant thou be'est going'd? My family name, Piazza, implies an Italian heritage. But, this is a ruse. If you simply, as they say, "click" my profile, you will see that I hail from the fertile plains of Badasery.
Shieldy
My coat of arms... and writing utensils

This wonderful land, stinking with damsels in distress and insane dictators whom laugh when they should be turning around, is found upon my home planet of World 1-2... This World, which directly succeeds the much less savage, yet frightfully dull World 1-1, is the cradle of my making. I very much look forward to my return to the motherland, once my videogame deeds here have been completed. I can only hope that upon my homecoming, I find it unspoiled and un-burned-to-ash. The propensity of any given hero's homeland to find itself ruined either after or directly preceding said hero's departure is not lost on this wayward adventurer; I assure you. I have left it in the more than capable hands of my sidekick, Turde. He always makes me laugh. Ah, Turde... Not that Draing isn't wonderful as a sidekick here on Earth, of course.

It may surprise you to know that many of the accounts found in your electronic, interactive leisure-stories are actually reenactments of my spoils in Badasery. One only need to journey to one's local Videoteca to chance upon any one of a hundred of my valiant tales in convenient cartridge or DVD form.
Sho-Ryu-Division!
Can you defeat my Tiger Derivation Style?
Prologue | Previous | Next | Current

The Adventure Begins!

My Family Crest My brother-in-law presented to me this wonderful magical-mirror with which I am now communicating with you, the fortunate voyeur. I have found that scribing the details of my various heroic exploits to be as invigorating as committing the deeds themselves! How cyclic! Portrait of a Hero/Winner
I am giving humanity the "thumbs up!"

"But, Eemos," one might ask, "Why should I tune my IntraWeb Exploring Apparatus to your particular dimension of the ManaSpace?”

The answer, insolent one, is that I am more exciting than you are. At times, I am a colonial Space Marine. I philander with the occasional ninja assassination. Oft-times, I rescue not only the princess but also the occasional, effeminate prince. And, all of these particular acts occurred before my 15th year.

Fortunately for you, many enterprising individuals have made it the lamentable purpose in their lives to catalog my life in the form of Video Games. Oh ho! How I chortle at the thought of my enterprises being considered leisure! As experiencing my life would indeed be hazardous to these videogame practitioners, or as I refer to them… dorks, the experience must be abstracted.
Prologue | Previous | Next | Current

It's an Adventure alright

Draing's Favorite Grade Hi. My name is Draing (pronounced Dreh-nj). I’m Eemos’(pronounced jûrk) sidekick. I can say stuff in 5 words or less. Since, I maintain this blog, the thing’s going to be called The Adventures of Eemos and Draing. Thanks.
Everyone's favorite plumber Here's a sketch of one of my childhood pals.
It's a-me! Copyright infringement!
Prologue | Next | Current