Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Fat Twosday

My Family Crest I have just recently been made aware of your Mardi Gras holiday. I'm to understand that the females of your species request the deposit of magical beads onto their persons by the males of your species. How do they initiate this transaction? They liberate their mammory glands from whatever containment device into which they were fastened.
Beadwork
Do not stare directly at my "pecs".

This is a feat most worthy of bead-dispersal, as I have oft-observed shadowQueen23 removing her keipumfrumfloppen from underneath her ninja shozoku. I can only imagine the dexterity statistic necessary to successfully complete this process; I'd wager that it is at least in the high teens if not 20 outright. Had Houdini possessed the agility required to implement this skill, might he have avoided his aquatic end?

I needed to procure some of these adornments to study their monetary, magical and/or technological attributes. (Here I am speaking about the beads, not the glands. I am most scholarly in their benefits). Therefore, I began "flashing" my mountainous pectorals to anyone who was unable to shield themselves from my masculinity onslaught. A curious thing happened, then however; I was not assaulted with beads.
Pennies from Heaven
I'm singing in the r-egg-n

Eggs were the chosen projectile instead. This was curious as my affinity for your planet's self-sustaining chicken embryos is well-documented. I felt like your Tim Robbins character after having escaped Shawshank Prison via the Hepititus-B Tunnel of Intestinal Evacuation, and then stood laughing; arms raised to the heavens in a shower of freedom. But, then the melancholy peppered my thoughts with grief as I remembered the fragile nature of the egg. I was a sad clown.

Having gathered up all of the slimy fragments, I shed a tear for each lost, flavorful opportunity. But then I decided to look on the Sunny-Side-Up-Side of life such that if you are given 300 broken eggs, you should make an omelette worthy of giant, simian consumption. In this case, I was the simian, and boy-howdy, did I consummate some consumption.
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3 Discourse(s):

Blogger Draing declared...

please, Please, PLEASE don't tell me that your nipples are shaped like I think that they are in that picture...

5:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous declared...

Yo!

7:33 AM  
Blogger Eemos declared...

Your insight is every bit as mysterious as your identity.

7:36 AM  

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