Tuesday, February 28, 2006

A Full Johnar Eclipse

My Family Crest While building a school (bare-handed) for the nomadic tribes of western Badasery, a curious thing happened to me. I was raising the trellis crossbeams, and the day seemed to transition to dusk quite suddenly. As I knew my architectural aptitude would not have failed me in this scheduling sense, I knew something must have been amiss.

I turned around to check the position of what I believed to be the noonday Sun only to see a great, white dome of skull, skin and anger. I could only barely discern the diminishing corona of my favorite celestial body behind that immense, marble crown.
Shaking with anger
Everyone has to have a catchphrase.

I was face to ... navel with the Big Crazy John. At least, I could see what I thought was his navel. ...what with the whole blotting out of the Sun thing going on. His abdominal muscles were like speed bumps; each one casting its own, distinct shadow upon the ground. His feats were the stuff of legends... that you tell your offspring to prevent them from staying out too late at night. Actually, even his feet were legendary. He was known to puncture dictionaries with his arboureous middle toe.

I steeled myself against the almost certain blizzard of hand strikes, and all I could witness was the great crevace in his face beginning to open. What would emerge? A deafening scream? Flaming Spittle? Noxious Gas?

"Do you know how to get to the beach?" was what bellowed forth.

Stunned, I could only respond with the paltry, "Follow the sounds of the crashing waves." That answer seemed to pacify him as he let loose a blustery, "WOO!" and turned to follow his ears. He strode off into the distance; each footfall leaving a cavernous crater in the ground from whence unearthed creatures would scurry. And, the land was at peace once again.
Leaving his mark
Standing in the footsteps of giants

Sometimes, violence isn't the answer. And, did you know? Those tribespeople didn't even utilize the school. How shortsighted of them.
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6 Discourse(s):

Blogger Draing declared...

Good one. Build a building for a nomadic race. Why don't you send some sandboxes to the unfortunate Egyptian kids while you're at it.

5:42 AM  
Blogger John declared...

THIS POST ROCKS! Sometimes, violence isn't the answer, especially when there is a beach nearby.

6:24 PM  
Blogger Eemos declared...

I trust that you located your destination?

6:44 PM  
Blogger John declared...

ALWAYS! Even if I do take the long way sometimes.

9:09 PM  
Blogger Eemos declared...

I would think that given your gait, "the long way" would be a foreign concept to you.

4:08 AM  
Blogger John declared...

Navigational errors do occur. Being a running omnipotent giant with monstrous girth and a large gate. Four right turns can become boring and feel like the Long way.

11:27 AM  

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