Friday, February 10, 2006

Ducking Responsibility

My Family Crest I decided that I needed some time away from the office and to get intimate with the nature of your planet. I can think of no better way to implement intimacy than with duck hunting. So, I loaded up the van, enlisted the services of my trusty, Japanese, duck-hunting dog, 私は憎む (Iha-teyou, pronounced ē'-hä tā-yō) and skeedaddled off to HuntDuckLand.

My quarry?
Just Ducky
You quack me up!

Simply shooting the poor, dumb beasts with a projectile weapon (of which I have many) would be no challenge at all. And while using the traditional weapon that emits bursts of light only is considerably more difficult to be sure, I hold myself up to higher standards than that. Rather, I utilized a technique perfected by my mother whenever she wanted to get a point across. These foul fowl would meet their ends at the hands of "the FACE." Yes, whenever I would transgress the boundaries of what my materfamilias would consider acceptable childlike behavior, she would administer "the FACE" in such generous portions that you would think it was grits. This would immediately reduce me to a simpering, catatonic state, and I would recover several hours later with little remembrance of the event that necessitated a FACING.

...What was I talking about? I guess it doesn't matter. Once "the FACE" is perfected, it can actually tear the fabric of spacetime. When the poor animal discerns that it is being FACED, it becomes trapped momentarily: helpless, suspended in the air and surrounded in a white, orthogonal aura. The look of astonishment upon the bird's brow is definitely a point of amusment, as I can tell that Iha-teyou finds it very comical. This lasts for but a split second before the animal careens down into my loyal companion's salivating yapper. That will teach it to fly around not bothering anyone.
Mallardy
Eemos: two. Fowl: zero.

Before heading home, we set all the ducks free, because I am smitten with emancipation. I'm absolutely idiotic with it.
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1 Discourse(s):

Blogger Holly declared...

lol, interesting blog indeed.
Thanks for your comments in I want a Boy.

Cheers sir.

10:34 AM  

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